Letting Go..

[An entry in my college journal]

-----

I was at a coffee shop drinking my chocolate frappe away when this guy came in and sat down infront of me.
I thought, “Freak! You’re invading my space!”.
But then I thought, it's better than sitting there all alone with people looking through the glass right at me and thinking I’m a loser or something coz I’m alone.
Suddenly, this guy asked me a question “Why are you sad?”.
Huh? Me? Sad? Am I that transparent that people can see what I’m feeling or thinking? I looked at him without answering his question.
Then he asked another question, “can you not drink your chocolate frappe without seeing her face on it?”
What the…? Who is this guy anyway? Is he the modern prophet or somethin? Still, I just stared at him blankly not answering his questions. Then he said, “you have to move on, you know. Life will not pause for you just because she left you without giving you some reason as to why she left you.” !!!!!!!!!
Then it made me think… Yeah, he’s probably right. But the thing is….
Let me just ask you this question instead…..
Will you let go of something or someone knowing that she is the source of your happiness? I can pretend. But I cannot do it. I can show the world I can survive the “tragedy” of being dumped. But that's the only thing I can do. I can only pretend. Just pretend. It's not that easy letting go of someone especially if you’ve been together for more than 3 years. They can do it in the movies, yes. But not in real life. Because in reality, after the break-up, you’ll probably spend the rest of your life thinking all the what if’s, the what could’ve been's and all the what might have been’s…
Yeah at times you’ll manage a smile or even a laugh, but deep down you’re totaly broken.
Well, at least thats what I’m feeling. Maybe after a couple of lifetimes, I can then move-on. But whose to say when?
And let me just add, it's a choice. The things I said, those were my choices. Why? Just because.
This story has probably bored you to death.
So im goin to stop now.

Application..

share ko lng..
nung naghihintay ako tawagin un name ko para sa interview, application for work, may katabi ako na, pag tinignan mo plng, parang ang galing galing na. ang ganda ng suot. at may necktie pa! nilapitan ko. tapos simpleng kwentuhan lang. at ang depotah, ang galing magenglish! nanliit ako! pero keme na. hanggang tawagin un name namin, kasabay ko pa pala sa interview ang hayop. so feeling ko, ndi ako matatanggap kc mas magsh-"shine" xa sa paningin ng interviewer. pag pasok namin dun sa room, taas noo xa. tapos may i "goodmorning" xa dun sa interviewer. so naisip ko, potah dagdag points un for him. so umupo na kami. tumingin un interviewer sakanya. tapos tinanong:

interviewer: so how are you?
michael(un maganda un porma): im perfectly fine and confident.

sa isip ko, tangna parang nasobrahan nmn sa pagka confident!

interviewer: so michael tell me, what are the lessons that you've learned outside the confines of the instituion that you've been in?
michael: i was never institutionalized! for you information, my IQ level is very high!

(tanga! bobo!)

interviewer: no what i meant was, what are the lessons in life that you have gained?
michael: i know that! and i believe in myself! because i used to be a working student!

(ay wow! ang layo ng sagot ni hayuuup!)

interviewer: nevermind (smile). so, how do you see yourself ten years from now?
michael: oh im very very old!

ndi ko napigilan ang sarili ko, potah and lakas ng tawa ko. sobra! natawa na din un interviewer. after nun, ako na un tinanong. and to cut the story short, ako ang natanggap. hahaha. corny ng kwento ko sheeeet! hahaha.

------

I'm not judgemental..

O.K. so I am..

I'm just telling you what happened.. :D

I miss you.. Ma

[This was an entry in my journal when I was still in college.. Good thing I saved it.. :D]

------

i can't breathe..
the onslaught of memories
keeps tumbling down on me.
i miss you..
terribly!

it's been more than three years since i last saw your heart-shaped face. everytime i miss you, i just close my eyes and i am taken back to your warm embrace. everytime i enter the kitchen, i always remember the aroma of your super special meal cooked just for me.. i miss you.

i remember when you used to rock me off in your lap until i fell asleep. when im cold at night, i go back to the deep recesses of my mind to imagine the pillows as a substitute for your arms hugging me tightly as i try to sleep.. i miss you.

i miss you..
i miss you..
i love you.. Mommy..

What a night..

Share ko lang nangyari last night..

A friend and I ate somewhere in alabang. Ang sarap. Ako yung taya and feeling ko, yung kakainin namin e hindi naman aabot ng 2 thousand. So kain galore kami. 3 rice tapos share na kami dun sa napakasarap na ulam... Salt and Pepper Crab. So yun nga, we ate, we talked, konting lambingan on the side... Hehe. When it was time to leave na, aba pagtingin ko sa bill, 1,899!!!! Whaaaaaat?!

Nagpanic ang lolo mo kasi ang laman nalang ng wallet ko is 1,090. Nahalata yata ni friend so nagvolunteer siya na bayaran yung difference. Nakakahiya talaga. Pero ok lang daw kasi we had fun.

As usual, after dinner, coffee. We ordered cappuccino na tall size. Yung sa friend ko, nilagyan nya ng cinnamon. So nainggit ako. Ayoko na ng cinnamon kasi ginawa na nya. So naisip ko, iba naman sakin.. Nutmeg!

Ang sarap ng amoy! Ang bango! Yung friend ko yung unang tumikim sa coffee nya. Aba nalukot ang mukha nya. Sabi ko, baka ndi lang talaga match ang cinnamon sa cappucccino. When i tasted my coffee, my gosh bigla ko naibuga! Nakakadiri yung taste! Lasang kahoy na inanay! I think muntik pa akong masuka! Nakakadiri talaga yun lasa nya!

To cut the long story short, we ordered again, this time yung cold drink na to wash away the aftertaste of nutmeg sa coffee.

Lessoned learned: do not experiment when it comes to coffee! OK na yung creamer and sugar. Other than that, forget it!