From Blogger to WordPress

The big switch! ;)

I have a new blog site: My Blog

I'M BAAAAAACK!

It's been a looooong time since I last posted something on this blog. Well, I've been busy ;)

Anyway, I just want to show you some photo that I took recently... This was my previous team.

Camille and Nikki

Dic

Germie, Jake and Arlen

Pat

Sam

The Year That Was...

2010 has been nothing but a roller coaster ride. With all the ups and the downs, the frowns, smiles and nods, tears and laughter, I can honestly say that this has been a lesson-filled year...

I was asked a couple of days back how my 2010 went. I found it difficult to answer because I didn't have the slightest idea where to start. So many things transpired that if I write them all down, I'd probably ran out of pages. But looking back on the things that happened, I'd say I am a better person because of those experiences.

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funny because as I'm writing this post, Lea Salonga's "Journey" started playing in the background....

" What a journey it has been. And the end is not in sight. But the stars are out tonight. And they're bound to guide my way..."

********** ** *********

My 2010 started with issues and intrigues that totally stressed me out. I was pulled by two different forces making me totally unaware of whats right and whats wrong. Doubt settled whether I was walking the right path.

A breather came when I flew to SF and had time to think about life in general. A break that meant getting my mind off of things that kept pulling me down. It was the perfect diversion I so badly need. Little did I know, it was just a pause for whats about to come.

Returning to PI signaled tons of things. Back to the never-ending admin work, toxic environment and gazillions of dramas that just wont let me be. In came the news that I wasn't getting any better health-wise. New lumps found, pains here and there, questions why and how.... And a whole lot more!

I had to get away. I had to regroup. I had to think...

And then I said "Aloha"...

Ironically, during my darkest hour, I found solace and comfort thinking it will end soon. All because of the overflowing support, care, understanding and love of the people I hold dear. That's when realization came in. That's when I started to fight. That's when I started to believe. That's when I started living. Living free, living life, loving life.

That's how my year of the Tiger went. A year of reunion, a year filled with blessings and a year of restoring my faith...

I'm Back!

It's been a long time since I last posted something. Been busy with work, work and work. Now it's time to revive this blog. Time to put down into writing all these thoughts running through my head. Been away, but now I'm back...

How She said Goodbye...

3:00 am

"Marc"

"Po?"

"Halika sandali"

"Bakit po?"

"Open mo nga yung electric fan anak at naiinitan ako"

"Opo"

I entered her room, shocked at what I saw.
Her sitting at the side of the bed,
Trash bin held tightly.
And blood...
Fresh blood...
All over the floor.

I sat next to her and started rubbing her back.

"OK ka lang po ba 'Ma?"

"Paki tapat mo sa'kin yung electric fan 'nak ko"

I did what she asked and sat back next to her.
She looked at me and said

"'Wag mo hahawakan yang dugo"

I held her arm and replied

"Opo"

She coughed. But not just any ordinary cough.
She coughed again and there was blood.

"OK ka lang po ba 'Ma? Uminom ka ba ng gamot kanina?"

She looked at me again with tears in her eyes

"Pa'no ka na 'pag wala na ako?"

"Ano ka ba 'Ma?! Ano ba yang sinasabi mo? 'Wag ka nga magsalita ng ganyan"

"Tinatawag na ako ng Daddy mo"

"Shh! Itigil na nga yan ganyan 'Ma!"

"'Wag kayo maga-away nila kuya mo ha?"

"Opo. Itigil na yang ganyang mga statements!"

She coughed again.
This time, there was a big chunk of blood that came out.
A big chunk.

She held my arm.
I held her arm tighter.
She looked at me again.
I touched her face.
She looked at the crucifix,
Inhaled deeply,
And closed her eyes...

"Ma!"

She didn't open her eyes.
I called again

"Ma!"

She didn't even move.

Then I felt her skin.
It was cold as ice.

And that's when I realized,
She's gone...

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4:00 am

"Hello?"

"Kuya si Mama!"

"Oh bakit?"

"Kuya si Mama!"

"Bakit nga?!"

"Wala na si Mama"

"Ha? Anong wala na si Mama?"

"Wala na si Mama"

Then silence...

"Pupunta na ako jan"

"Kuya wala na si Mama"

Tears falling, I kept saying those words.

"Kuya wala na si Mama"

"Pupunta na ako jan. Tawag ka sa kabila"

"Kuya wala na si Mama"

Silence...

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I can't really remember what happened next.
Everything was a blur.
Or maybe my mind blocked them out...

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She was my motivator.
She was my inspiration.
She was my best friend.

To the strongest person I know,

My Mom,

I salute you,
I love you!
And I miss you...

The Start of The End

BOYS DON'T CRY!

That's what I've been told. Yet, how come I cannot seem to hold back the tears? Can't prevent them from falling? Especially now. When I'm all holed-up in this room? I think I've suffered enough already. I think I've dealt with the toughest problems anybody can face. But why am I in pain? How come I'm suffering all over again?

So many questions. I've found zero answers. Good Luck!

This is why I hate being alone. Because I cannot seem to think of anything else but these darn lumps! I want to go out but I can't. Again, because of these darn lumps. I want to surround myself with people but I can't. Again because of these darn lumps.I want to laugh out loud but I cant. Again because of these darn lumps. I want to be happy BUT I CAN'T. BECAUSE OF THESE DARN LUMPS!!!!

BECAUSE OF THESE DARN LUMPS!

Now tell me, can I not cry when these darn lumps are preventing me from being happy? Does that make me a lesser individual? Does that define my character as a person?

I tried to hold these tears back. I pretended that I wasn't worried what will happen next. But I failed. Until now, I can still taste the salty aftermath of my worries.

I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of believing that everything will be OK. I'm tired of faking a smile when all I want to do is breakdown and cry. I'm tired of it all.

I don't know how will this all end. I've no idea if I can still be strong. I'm through accepting circumstances that I truly don't understand. And I am so ready to give up. I'm so tired of fighting...

The Intramuros Pictorial

Just the other week, I accompanied a friend of mine to go out and have a stroll along the historic Intramuros. And since I brought my handy-dandy camera with me, I took the opportunity and pretended to be a photographer and my friend as a model. (That's her long time dream anyway so might as well grab the opportunity!)









(some of the pictures I took)