Fulfillment

Maturity, as they say, gives you the freedom to choose your actions. And with those, situations are but reactions according to your decisions.

Everybody reaches maturity in their own time. It just so happens that some gain it earlier, while the others are taking time to do so.

But what about those people who were forced into maturity? Those people whose lives change not because they want it, but because they no longer have other option? Those people who have no recourse left but to face the challenges head-on? People, just like you and me, who have our own battles to fight? People, whose lives will soon be connected to us in about a hundred different ways.

I was browsing the net when I came upon this blog entry about forced maturity. A boy whose faith and fate changed everyones opinion and perception of him. Jo-ga, a screen name perhaps, was forced to "raise" himself in a squatters area somewhere along the busy streets of Pasay.

At an early age of 12, he had 2 jobs. During the day, he can be found at the dump site collecting garbage-recyclables to support his studies. During the night, he uses his swimming capabilities to join the "swimmer's club" to get mussels to provide food at the table.

Jo-ga was the type who never complains. Instead, he was always thankfull because he has the strength to do his jobs and his schooling. Not only was he hard-working, he also has a heart of gold.

That could very well be the reason why he's called "Totoy Kristo" in their community.

He thinks of himself lucky because, eventhough he doesn't have a family and there was no explanation as to where they are, he was still surviving everyday. Living life the way he knows how.

A man approached Jo-ga one day and asked if they can interview him for a documentary since he was a little bit popular within the Pasay "swimmers". He declined because, as he said it, there's no story to tell. He's just an ordinary boy left with a box of maturity on his lap. And since he doesn't have any idea what to do with that maturity, he decided to keep it so he can share to others what tiny little lessons life taught him.

He was 25 when he graduated college thanks to his perseverance to finish school. Jo-ga was asked to do the Farewell Speech on the graduation proper itself..

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"Hindi lahat ng nakapagtapos ng pagaaral ay mapalad. Hindi lahat ng tao ay nabibigyan ng pagkakataon para bumangon sa pagkakadapa. At hindi lahat ng tao ay may pagnanais na bumangon mula sa pagkakalugmok.

Ang isang pagkakamali ay hindi na maitatama ng panahon. Ang nakaraan na buhay ay gawing gabay sa ating patutunguhan.

Malayo pa ang lalakbayin natin. Hindi dapat huminto ang pagsisikap sa simpleng pagtatapos ng kolehiyo. Bagkus, ito ay pahudyat lamang ng isang nagbabadyang magandang kinabukasan.

Atin itong bigyan ng halaga. Hayaan nating pagbuklurin ng mga aspetong ito ang ating diwa at pag-iisip upang maging ganap sa atin ang kalayaang sumisimbolo ng ating sipag at tiyaga."

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Jo-ga worked his way to the top. He now owned a quaint house somewhere in Makati, 2 cars, educational facility for the new generation of "swimmer's club" in Pasay and a prestigous title amongst the list of his accomplishments.

Which led me into thinking, how do we differentiate maturity from responsibility? Is there a difference at all? I mean, anybody can be mature, but not all mature people can be responsible.

Responsibility is not a question of how mature a person is. Maturity is not quantifiable by how responsible you are. Responsiblity is not measurable by how young or old a person is. Maturity can be pre-determined by how wise a persons decisions are.

I confess that I, myself am not sure of my definition. I don't even think that my reasoning is correct. I may not be responsible at times. Immature even on occassions. But I think those flaws are what defines us as individuals.

Jo-ga's story is an illustration of the fine line between responsibility and maturity. Maturity because he was wise beyond his age. He was responsible because he stayed focus and never let the fact that he's alone deter him from realizing what he wanted in life. Maybe my analization is incorrect. Maybe I got it all wrong. I probably had it twisted the other way around. Still, I am happy of the outcome.

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I am sharing Jo-ga's story to set an example to those who dare to dream.

Jo-ga, thank you for letting me share your story..ÜÜÜ

Break Of Dawn

As night turns into day, I feel a sense of triumph as I survive another day of a never endless battle from my unlikely demons. Demons that I thought I could not conquer. Demons that I thought would make me numb until life was sucked out of me. Demons that would take me farther down an abyssal nothingness.

I now know how to fight my battles. Even if it's just one day at a time. At least I'm surviving. And at this point, that's what counts the most. Me surviving.

I thought I was ready to give it all away. I thought I was ready to end it all. But I was wrong.

Last Saturday afternoon, I received a call from somebody very unexpected. My brother whom I haven't talk to for a while now called me up to check how I'm doing. It was so unexpected because we were never really close. I was not expecting him to call me up to simply ask my whereabouts and my little shenanigans. It gave me warmth and a sense of belongingness to know that he remembers me. And it felt good. Again, my overactive dramatization of life kicked-in.

The simple Hi's and Hello's turned into the type of conversation where super logical thinking needs to be in place. Well, that's my brother alright. I don't know how it happened, or who directed the whole conversation into that topic, but I suddenly found myself talking about what I think went wrong in our "perfect little family". I talked about me graduating grade school and the things he said before I marched down the isle. Words that somehow, made me the "icy" Tofi. Words that up to now, every time I remember, gives off a bitter feeling making me want to vomit.

My Mom and my other Kuya had no idea what happened. And since we are not the "open" type when it comes to sharing our thoughts, they didn't ask any questions at all. Which, in my opinion, added to the ever growing space between my eldest Kuya and I. Until, the conversation, that is. So my Kuya and I talked and talked for at least a couple of hours or so, when he finally said, "I've said my piece. Hope it wasn't to late to make amends. Hope it's not too late to baby my kid brother around kahit malaki ka na."

I couldn't talk. What is there to say anyway? I was so moved that I can't even think of a coherent thought. I felt like, if I open my mouth, I'll only squeak. Not because I don't care to what he said, but because I'm about to cry. What baffled me was the last words he said before he hung up the phone. He said, "whatever you're undergoing through right now, andito lang ako. Kuya mo pa rin ako. And I'll always protect you kasi ikaw and baby brother ko." Then he hung-up.

Tears started to fall without me knowing it. Until a teardrop fell on my hand. The wall that I've created around me now has a crack. A very comforting crack at that! I looked outside my window and there was the glorious sunshine. Bathing me with its warmth and passion for life.

That's when I realized, Jeff, Chase, Sam, Dok, Mugen, Claire, Jason, Alexa and India were right all along. It will take someone to cast the spell away. Someone who can make me whole again. In my case, my eldest brother..

I didn't talk to my brother about what pains me or what haunts me everyday. But somehow, knowing that I've rekindled the bond we used to have gave me hope that indeed, there is life beyond what I believed to be a dead end.

Now, I'm facing another battle. A battle I must learn to fight everyday. A whole new kind of battle to enjoy life as much as I can. A battle wherein failure will only be a breeze away for I know I'll have my family to fall back on. A battle, I know, I can win someday...