Letting Go..

[An entry in my college journal]

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I was at a coffee shop drinking my chocolate frappe away when this guy came in and sat down infront of me.
I thought, “Freak! You’re invading my space!”.
But then I thought, it's better than sitting there all alone with people looking through the glass right at me and thinking I’m a loser or something coz I’m alone.
Suddenly, this guy asked me a question “Why are you sad?”.
Huh? Me? Sad? Am I that transparent that people can see what I’m feeling or thinking? I looked at him without answering his question.
Then he asked another question, “can you not drink your chocolate frappe without seeing her face on it?”
What the…? Who is this guy anyway? Is he the modern prophet or somethin? Still, I just stared at him blankly not answering his questions. Then he said, “you have to move on, you know. Life will not pause for you just because she left you without giving you some reason as to why she left you.” !!!!!!!!!
Then it made me think… Yeah, he’s probably right. But the thing is….
Let me just ask you this question instead…..
Will you let go of something or someone knowing that she is the source of your happiness? I can pretend. But I cannot do it. I can show the world I can survive the “tragedy” of being dumped. But that's the only thing I can do. I can only pretend. Just pretend. It's not that easy letting go of someone especially if you’ve been together for more than 3 years. They can do it in the movies, yes. But not in real life. Because in reality, after the break-up, you’ll probably spend the rest of your life thinking all the what if’s, the what could’ve been's and all the what might have been’s…
Yeah at times you’ll manage a smile or even a laugh, but deep down you’re totaly broken.
Well, at least thats what I’m feeling. Maybe after a couple of lifetimes, I can then move-on. But whose to say when?
And let me just add, it's a choice. The things I said, those were my choices. Why? Just because.
This story has probably bored you to death.
So im goin to stop now.