Numb

I don't want to think, I don't want to talk, I don't want to listen, I don't want to... Live..

I just want thing to end... Now...

Diagnosis

I haven't been feeling well for over a couple of months now. Earlier, I went to see my doctor and had myself checked...

I've had an Orchitis twice. And I'm telling you, it was PAINFULLLLLLL as hell!!!!! I thought I was cleared from it. Indeed, I am cleared from Orchitis. Because now, it might sound crazy, but I have a Cancer. Prostate Cancer, that is. Stage 1. The doctor said I was lucky because we've discovered it at an early stage. Question, should I really consider myself lucky? Such an irony! I thought only older men can have it. Guess I'm wrong...

After the "news" of what I have, I don't know where to go or what to do next. Yes, I will now have "sessions" with my doctor but still, the emotional impact of hearing Cancer is just way too devastating for me...

I can't breathe! I need help! What if it's too late? I might sound like I'm overreacting, but what am I supposed to do?! Take it lightly? Smile and say I'm going to be okay? Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!

Grrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't do this anymore! I can no longer pretend that things are working out when in reality, things are falling apart. I can't stand myself all smiles when all I want to do is just breakdown and cry. This is not how I planned things. This is not how it's supposed to be..