April 29, 2009

Diagnosis

I haven't been feeling well for over a couple of months now. Earlier, I went to see my doctor and had myself checked...

I've had an Orchitis twice. And I'm telling you, it was PAINFULLLLLLL as hell!!!!! I thought I was cleared from it. Indeed, I am cleared from Orchitis. Because now, it might sound crazy, but I have a Cancer. Prostate Cancer, that is. Stage 1. The doctor said I was lucky because we've discovered it at an early stage. Question, should I really consider myself lucky? Such an irony! I thought only older men can have it. Guess I'm wrong...

After the "news" of what I have, I don't know where to go or what to do next. Yes, I will now have "sessions" with my doctor but still, the emotional impact of hearing Cancer is just way too devastating for me...

I can't breathe! I need help! What if it's too late? I might sound like I'm overreacting, but what am I supposed to do?! Take it lightly? Smile and say I'm going to be okay? Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!

6 comments:

jonathan said...

You don't know me but I am a regular reader though I don't post comments.

I know it is cancer and it is difficult to accept. Being angry is just right but you have to help yourself first. Admitting it and then doing something about it. Be strong. I'll pray for you.

(I am also feeling down for something terrible that had happened but I am holding on.)

Macoy said...

Jonathan: Thanks. I am trying to hold on. God knows how much I want to fight. But I can only do so much. It's so easy to say "be strong". And it's relatively easy to pretend that I am. But in reality, I'm so freakin' scared to death. But like what I said, I'm trying to hold on. And thanks for the prayer.. Ü

jonathan said...

Yes, giving out suggestions is much easier said but you have your family and close friends around you. Remember that some other people have different battles, and in my case, I feel alone because I am. Hold on to hope and believe you'll pass the test.

Macoy said...

Jonathan: I centainly hope so. Don't worry I'll try to Ace the test of life. Thanks.

Jules said...

macoy, this is very sad. very sad indeed...pero kaya mo yan. if you need help, let us know...kaya mo yan...

Macoy said...

@ Summer: Thanks. Now, I just need someone to talk to. It's quite hard to keep it all in. I feel like I'm about to burst! Again, thanks.