The Year That Was...

2010 has been nothing but a roller coaster ride. With all the ups and the downs, the frowns, smiles and nods, tears and laughter, I can honestly say that this has been a lesson-filled year...

I was asked a couple of days back how my 2010 went. I found it difficult to answer because I didn't have the slightest idea where to start. So many things transpired that if I write them all down, I'd probably ran out of pages. But looking back on the things that happened, I'd say I am a better person because of those experiences.

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funny because as I'm writing this post, Lea Salonga's "Journey" started playing in the background....

" What a journey it has been. And the end is not in sight. But the stars are out tonight. And they're bound to guide my way..."

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My 2010 started with issues and intrigues that totally stressed me out. I was pulled by two different forces making me totally unaware of whats right and whats wrong. Doubt settled whether I was walking the right path.

A breather came when I flew to SF and had time to think about life in general. A break that meant getting my mind off of things that kept pulling me down. It was the perfect diversion I so badly need. Little did I know, it was just a pause for whats about to come.

Returning to PI signaled tons of things. Back to the never-ending admin work, toxic environment and gazillions of dramas that just wont let me be. In came the news that I wasn't getting any better health-wise. New lumps found, pains here and there, questions why and how.... And a whole lot more!

I had to get away. I had to regroup. I had to think...

And then I said "Aloha"...

Ironically, during my darkest hour, I found solace and comfort thinking it will end soon. All because of the overflowing support, care, understanding and love of the people I hold dear. That's when realization came in. That's when I started to fight. That's when I started to believe. That's when I started living. Living free, living life, loving life.

That's how my year of the Tiger went. A year of reunion, a year filled with blessings and a year of restoring my faith...

I'm Back!

It's been a long time since I last posted something. Been busy with work, work and work. Now it's time to revive this blog. Time to put down into writing all these thoughts running through my head. Been away, but now I'm back...

How She said Goodbye...

3:00 am

"Marc"

"Po?"

"Halika sandali"

"Bakit po?"

"Open mo nga yung electric fan anak at naiinitan ako"

"Opo"

I entered her room, shocked at what I saw.
Her sitting at the side of the bed,
Trash bin held tightly.
And blood...
Fresh blood...
All over the floor.

I sat next to her and started rubbing her back.

"OK ka lang po ba 'Ma?"

"Paki tapat mo sa'kin yung electric fan 'nak ko"

I did what she asked and sat back next to her.
She looked at me and said

"'Wag mo hahawakan yang dugo"

I held her arm and replied

"Opo"

She coughed. But not just any ordinary cough.
She coughed again and there was blood.

"OK ka lang po ba 'Ma? Uminom ka ba ng gamot kanina?"

She looked at me again with tears in her eyes

"Pa'no ka na 'pag wala na ako?"

"Ano ka ba 'Ma?! Ano ba yang sinasabi mo? 'Wag ka nga magsalita ng ganyan"

"Tinatawag na ako ng Daddy mo"

"Shh! Itigil na nga yan ganyan 'Ma!"

"'Wag kayo maga-away nila kuya mo ha?"

"Opo. Itigil na yang ganyang mga statements!"

She coughed again.
This time, there was a big chunk of blood that came out.
A big chunk.

She held my arm.
I held her arm tighter.
She looked at me again.
I touched her face.
She looked at the crucifix,
Inhaled deeply,
And closed her eyes...

"Ma!"

She didn't open her eyes.
I called again

"Ma!"

She didn't even move.

Then I felt her skin.
It was cold as ice.

And that's when I realized,
She's gone...

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4:00 am

"Hello?"

"Kuya si Mama!"

"Oh bakit?"

"Kuya si Mama!"

"Bakit nga?!"

"Wala na si Mama"

"Ha? Anong wala na si Mama?"

"Wala na si Mama"

Then silence...

"Pupunta na ako jan"

"Kuya wala na si Mama"

Tears falling, I kept saying those words.

"Kuya wala na si Mama"

"Pupunta na ako jan. Tawag ka sa kabila"

"Kuya wala na si Mama"

Silence...

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I can't really remember what happened next.
Everything was a blur.
Or maybe my mind blocked them out...

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She was my motivator.
She was my inspiration.
She was my best friend.

To the strongest person I know,

My Mom,

I salute you,
I love you!
And I miss you...

The Start of The End

BOYS DON'T CRY!

That's what I've been told. Yet, how come I cannot seem to hold back the tears? Can't prevent them from falling? Especially now. When I'm all holed-up in this room? I think I've suffered enough already. I think I've dealt with the toughest problems anybody can face. But why am I in pain? How come I'm suffering all over again?

So many questions. I've found zero answers. Good Luck!

This is why I hate being alone. Because I cannot seem to think of anything else but these darn lumps! I want to go out but I can't. Again, because of these darn lumps. I want to surround myself with people but I can't. Again because of these darn lumps.I want to laugh out loud but I cant. Again because of these darn lumps. I want to be happy BUT I CAN'T. BECAUSE OF THESE DARN LUMPS!!!!

BECAUSE OF THESE DARN LUMPS!

Now tell me, can I not cry when these darn lumps are preventing me from being happy? Does that make me a lesser individual? Does that define my character as a person?

I tried to hold these tears back. I pretended that I wasn't worried what will happen next. But I failed. Until now, I can still taste the salty aftermath of my worries.

I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of believing that everything will be OK. I'm tired of faking a smile when all I want to do is breakdown and cry. I'm tired of it all.

I don't know how will this all end. I've no idea if I can still be strong. I'm through accepting circumstances that I truly don't understand. And I am so ready to give up. I'm so tired of fighting...

The Intramuros Pictorial

Just the other week, I accompanied a friend of mine to go out and have a stroll along the historic Intramuros. And since I brought my handy-dandy camera with me, I took the opportunity and pretended to be a photographer and my friend as a model. (That's her long time dream anyway so might as well grab the opportunity!)









(some of the pictures I took)

A Well Deserved Vacation 2

On our last day in San Fransisco (I'm skipping the things that happened in between), Reigh and I decided to walk around Union Square. We went into this one street where it said "THEATERS". We saw one that has a sign in front that said "The Are Of Nude Male". Interesting! That piqued my interest! LOL! We went in and was shocked when we realized that it was a "sex theater"! Now that's something new! Too bad I cannot take pictures or else, I would have posted it all here in my blog.

How the theater looked like?

It was very very classy! Well, I've never been to any so I cannot really compare. But the floor was carpeted, Victorian style walls, painted ceilings, dim lighting and all that. There are "rooms" where one can enter and explore.

The first room was what I'd call the "TV ROOM". There's a big TV at the far end of the room. in front of it were chairs that was hardly ever used. and around it are cubicles where couples can do whatever they want to do. Obviously, they are showing porn.

The second room, well, it's the main theater. Stage in front (with curtains and all) and cinema-like seats. Reigh and I decided to take a seat and wait for the next performer. There was a booming sound and the curtains started to open. In the middle of the stage, was Mr. Sailor! Gorgeous! Hot booooody! He danced, gyrated like there's no more tomorrow. Then he started stripping. Totally nude! And I must say, Mr. Sailor was BIG! After the performance, the performers will go to the audience and "interact" with them. Of course with pay. Nothing's free now. They will let the audience touch them but not "taste" what they have. LOL.

Next room, the shower room. It's for the performers though. After they perform in the main theater, they go directly in the shower room. But mind you, everybody can see the shower room because there are windows. At hte bottom part was a "tip box".

Whew! That was a lot to handle. But I will definitely be back... In San Fransisco. Lol.

A Well Deserved Vacation

Pagkatapos ng lahat ng mga kaguluhan sa opisina, dapat lang na magbakasyon ako. At yun nga ang ginawa ko! 1 week sa San Fransisco, California! Guess kung saan ako nag-stay, sa pinsan kong hindi ko pa nakikita at nakilala ko lang sa Facebook! Ang galing nga naman oh.

Nung February 5, flight namin ni Reigh to San Fran pero may lay-over sa Narita, Japan. Ok naman yung flight. Hindi naman bumpy as predicted. Sa airport sa San Fransisco, palabas pa lang kami ni Reigh, nakita ko na agad ang pinsan ko. An older version of me! With less hair and darker skin tone.

No more introductions needed kasi kahit hindi pa kami nagm-meet ever, feeling ko kilala ko na siya through email. Anyway, hindi ko ine-expect na ganun kalamig sa San Fransisco. Sabi sa radyo, and temperature daw is 7 degrees! Nakakabaliw! Ako naman, pretend na OK lang sa balat ko yung weather. Kahit ang totoo, nanginginig na ang itlog ko sa ginaw!



Dumirecho kami sa bahay nila sa Ingleside. Super comfy. Sabi pa ng pinsan ko, sana daw ok lang samin ni Reigh matulog sa isang kama kasi yun ang pinrepare nila for us. Hehehe.

PAgkalapag ng mga gamit, umalis din kami agad. Pasyal agad. Hindi man lang naisip ng pinsan ko na baka gusto ko muna magpahinga. Hehe. Dumirecho kami sa Twin Peaks, isan tourist attraction sa San Fransisco. Nakakahilo paakyat kasi liko-liko nag kalsada! Mas malala pa sa Baguio! Pero pag dating naman sa taas, matatanaw mo ang buong San Fransisco! Ang problema nga lang, mejo hindi ko na-enjoy kasi nahihilo na talaga ako at nasusuka pa...



itutuloy ko na lang some other time ;) ir-recall ko muna ang mga nangyari after nun hahaha

My Couin and cousin-in-law

The shorter guy is my cousin Kuya Manny while the taller guy is his husband Kuya Dino :)

Thank you guys for taking care of me and Reigh when we visited San Fransisco :)

Mimi :)

This is my cousin's dog Mimi :)
And I miss her even though she barks at me sometimes lol

SFO Prologue

I am back! In Manila that is ;)

My flight to San Fransisco was FUN! Oh boy! Fun Fun Fun!

Tell you all about the details when I have the time :)

Bye for now..

The Year That Was

Last year was indeed a "hell-hole" for me.

There were escalations made, to me and my colleague. I was served an NTE (Notice to Explain) because some of the agents found my words and actions offending!

What a joke!

I've been in this industry for more than 4 years, And I've never been accused like that.

Anyway, I've already settled my bond with the company. At least now, whenever I feel like "moving on", there will be no more "piece of paper" to think about!

Now, I am looking to a more fruitful year ahead. And hopefully, I can go to Hawaii to meet my family. Haaay.

New Year

New year, new hope, new dreams, new plans, new ideas, new resolutions and a new life.

I just wish that majority of these become reality. May they be not just simple words, but an advocacy towards the betterment of me...

Happy New Year :)

May I have enough time to update my blog eveyday :) lol