The Start of The End

BOYS DON'T CRY!

That's what I've been told. Yet, how come I cannot seem to hold back the tears? Can't prevent them from falling? Especially now. When I'm all holed-up in this room? I think I've suffered enough already. I think I've dealt with the toughest problems anybody can face. But why am I in pain? How come I'm suffering all over again?

So many questions. I've found zero answers. Good Luck!

This is why I hate being alone. Because I cannot seem to think of anything else but these darn lumps! I want to go out but I can't. Again, because of these darn lumps. I want to surround myself with people but I can't. Again because of these darn lumps.I want to laugh out loud but I cant. Again because of these darn lumps. I want to be happy BUT I CAN'T. BECAUSE OF THESE DARN LUMPS!!!!

BECAUSE OF THESE DARN LUMPS!

Now tell me, can I not cry when these darn lumps are preventing me from being happy? Does that make me a lesser individual? Does that define my character as a person?

I tried to hold these tears back. I pretended that I wasn't worried what will happen next. But I failed. Until now, I can still taste the salty aftermath of my worries.

I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of believing that everything will be OK. I'm tired of faking a smile when all I want to do is breakdown and cry. I'm tired of it all.

I don't know how will this all end. I've no idea if I can still be strong. I'm through accepting circumstances that I truly don't understand. And I am so ready to give up. I'm so tired of fighting...